Saturday, December 31, 2016

A Year In Time

A girl friend just shared a picture of herself side by side from a year ago-ish to today. While visually the images are very similar, the person in them is very different from a year ago. Have I changed since then?

This was as close to New Year's eve as I could get (January 5th, 2016)...

...and today (December 31st, 2016)...

For those of you who don't know, these pictures are both of Mya and Book, in my home, in each of the two places I spend the majority of my time (my bed and my couch). The only real difference is last year I was planning my wedding. But you'll notice, there's no fiance in my pictures from that time.

That's because he wasn't there. Not in the ways that matter anyway. He tortured me in my own home in fact, and then convinced me that it was my own fault.


The girl that took on her family at 11, left everything she knew and loved at 18, and rebuilt her life from nothing at 30! She spent two years in an abusive relationship, and will spend at least 3 more cleaning it up.

It's not my fault they all tell me. They remind me that I'm not alone. But they don't know. But they keep saying it.

For months now I've been hearing it.

Today, I know that it doesn't matter who's fault it was, or if I have to be alone to do this. All that matters is it was bad, I wanted out, I got out. (I'm still afraid that I didn't) That had never changed.

So have I changed?

I don't know that I have. But I also don't know if that's a bad thing.

Thursday, December 15, 2016


Making the decision to be the better person is never an easy one, but my experience had taught me that in the end, it is the happier one.

Today, I've decided I'm going to be the better person, even if it means doing it alone.