Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I'm so embarrassed

You must think I'm such a fool.

I can see you telling her the story as if I had cheated on you. That way you're being magnanimous when you offered to stay friends and I threw it back in your face.

I can see how you talk about what a burden my chronic illnesses are for you because of your history. And how you strained yourself to breaking trying to take care of me and the animals even though they aren't yours.

I can see her dismissing that nagging doubt that she'll never admit, even to herself.

I can see how each fight is a test to see how much she'll put up with before she kicks you out, and you beg her to take you back, so you can make her feel bad for kicking you out in the first place.

I can see her giving up everything she is happily! WILLINGLY! 

And getting less and less in return.

I can see this all so clearly!

What I can't see is why I let it happen.

All I can do is watch the blood flow and pray I die.