Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Worst Part

The worst part is, it makes me happy to think of you with them. Smiling and laughing, doing simple things like watching your daughter play in the yard. I imagine talking to your wife and explaining to her that even though we are friends now, if you had wanted to be with me, you would be.

It make me feel benevolent, like I have done something for the good of humanity or something. But the truth is, I do it because I want this day dream to stop ripping my soul out. I keep thinking if I have it enough, that feeling will go away.

Watching the fireworks tonight I once again stand on my porch and imagine you standing behind me holding me. Once again, it is so real I can actually feel you. I tear myself away from this daydream out of fear that... it comes to you in some way.

I love you so much that I wouldn't want to, even in thought, hurt the happiness you have. I know the power of thought. It can change the World.

I just wish...