Monday, June 25, 2012

Things I Figured Out

I only become cool... I mean really cool... when you know what I have had to go through to get to where I am today.

I am unbelievably courageous. Not because I have no fear, but because my fear doesn't stop me from doing... anything I want to.

I am unstoppable. No, really, it's true! I have been detoured, or changed my mind, but nothing outside of myself has ever stopped me.

I have known these things before, and forgotten. I expect I will again. But they are true things and I know, I will always come back to them.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Going Under

Happy Anniversary

I can't help but mark this day. It is bitter sweet for me. Today would have been 7 years... instead we spent most of those years trying to cut each other out of our respective lives.

But the truth is, and always has been if I'm really honest about it, you and I could not have become the people we are, and would not even like each other very much, if we had continued in that relationship.

So today I mourn the loss of you and celebrate the finding of me.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Power of Attraction

The idea is simple... decide what you want, imagine it in full detail, open yourself to receiving it. But actually doing it is harder than can believed.
Deciding what I want... really? I have a hard time figuring out what to have for breakfast most days, how am I supposed to figure out what I want from my life! Sitting down and listening to my heart was very hard. It is full of fears and doubts, but there is also that tiny grain of hope... I cling to that.
So, I want a family. A spouse, children, dog... And a home in the country. Some place peaceful and quiet that opens the heart and soul to the wonders of the World.
Now to imagine it... yeah. It's not really imagining it, it's setting your focus on what you want. Letting it fill you mind and heart until it is real to you... meditating on your desires. But that kind of focus is hard. My mind wants to wander in a million directions that mostly hold the fears and pain from my past. Drawing myself back to the here and now, and then pushing it into where I want to be... it's hard!
So, I'm going to start small. I'll start with focusing on my dream for a minute a day... and then five... and ten... and thirty! Each day getting a little closer to my dream being real.
The last part is hardest of all... being open. Looking around in my world and seeing the little things that help bring me to my dream. The friend who takes me out for drinks... maybe wants to be more than friends. The beautiful home in the woods... maybe there's a reason it isn't selling. Those are kind of big, but you get the idea. See what the Universe is showing to you and reach for it! You never know what you might grab on to.
So, I'm keeping my heart and mind open... or, I'm teaching myself to as a part of my meditation. My goal is to be willing and able to reach for any opportunity no matter how risky... and that's the hard part. Fear often holds me back when I should step forward. Over coming that fear I believe will be my greatest challenges, but also one of my greatest rewards.
This is what I am currently working on... my newest self improvement project. Lets see where it goes!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Thinking of You

I know in my heart that you walked away and never gave me a second thought. That if you ever thought of me, it was only to be grateful that I was no longer a part of your life.

But for me, there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think of you fondly and wish I could share the little things in life that make it worth living.

People tell me that if you can't get someone out of your head there's a reason... I wonder if the reason is just to remind me I'll never be good enough for someone as amazing as you.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


We still live in a time when a person can learn everything there is known about a subject and new things in their lifetime...

I wonder when there will be too much information to do that.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Little Things

It's the little things that make the biggest impact on my life. Right now, at this moment, it is watching Mya sleep. This little thing is bringing such a sense of peace to my mind, that I have needed for so long...

It reminds me to watch for the little things.

Thursday, June 7, 2012


Right now, more than anything, I wish I could be in my rose garden with the love of my life, laughing and playing the way we did when every moment of my life was a living hell and that time with them was the thing that kept me alive.

These days, the memory isn't enough.