Saturday, December 31, 2011


As the old year closes for the world at large and the new one begins, I'm thinking about where I was a year ago.

  • I had the same job (though I had only started it in October).
  • I was volunteering (almost as much as I was working).
  • I was living in the same place (well into my second year and for the first time since David and I divorced).
  • I still had a car (though I didn't really get to use it).
  • I was still in contact with my family (and hated every conversation, except with Pooka).
  • I felt very alone (even when I was surrounded by friends).
  • I had decided that I was single and I always would be (and I liked it that way)

This year I'm in such a different place without having gone anywhere.

  • I'm well established in my position at the office and can feel the difference if I have to not be there... I'm needed! If I have to miss a day because of my fibromyalgia, they have piles of things that need to be done and questions that need to be answered.
  • I have left the volunteer position for medical reasons, but I have become such friends with the owners that I still spend a great deal of time there.
  • I still live in the same apartment, but thanks to some special programs and lots of hard work on my part I'm hoping to buy my first home in 2012
  • I have been car free since April, and thanks to Mya I have found that I really don't need or want a car! Being able to get back to walking everywhere has gotten me back in touch with a girl I had forgotten existed. It has set me free!
  • I have finally gotten rid of  the sickness that was my family... it has been painful losing Pooka, but they never were going to let me help her anyway :'-( I have started a keepsake box for her that I will fill with missed birthday and Yule gifts and letters telling her that I was thinking of her. If I ever see her again, she will know she was loved.
  • I have developed new friendships and rekindled old ones (yes Bobert, I'm talking about you). The people I have in my life now feed into my desire to be bigger and better than the situations I live in and encourage me to be the person I was born to be. They make me laugh and let me cry and share in my failures and triumphs equally. I feel a part.
  • I am for the first time in a long time feeling like I could invite someone into my life and give back to them as much as they give to me. I'm terrified by this because the one man that I love doesn't have space for me in his life (and won't for a very long time if ever) and that is no way to have a relationship. But maybe, the Universe has other plans for me and the passionate love I can give.
I have been feeling the power I have to change the World around me coming back. This is nothing short of a miracle for me and I owe it to the little changes that have taken place in the last year. My only hope is that, with help, I can continue to make my World one that is full of Joy and Light in the New Year to come.

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