Sunday, November 20, 2011

Single

The very large vast majority of the time I really do like being single. I was in a relationship with one person or another from the time I was 15 until my husband left me when I was 28 and at this point, being alone is a bit of a blessing.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the partners I had during those years and they were (and still are I imagine) amazing people, but if I had to go back to any of them *shiver* NO! THANK! YOU!

There are however ~some~ draw backs to my blissful single life. For example, having injured my ankle I now can't walk without crutches. This makes walking Mya impossible. She has had to do with running in the yard on her lead with me kinda hopping around behind her praying that I don't fall and hurt my other leg. The fact that I developed a stomach flu the day after I injured my ankle makes the whole thing that much harder to deal with.

In theory, if I was in a relationship, I would have someone who could pick up the slack while I recovered from my injuries and illnesses... in theory. But to be honest, that wasn't my experience with my (live-in) relationships. For the most part, no matter what condition I was in, I still had to take care of them.

And it is this fact, more than any single other, that keeps me from having any interest in having another relationship. The knowledge that if I get involved with someone I will attract someone who needs a mommy (more because of who I am, than because of who they are) and when I need to be taken care of will end up caring for not just myself but both of us.

It is my hope that some day I will grow up to the point where I will stop needing to take care of the world and will be able to let someone in who can take care of me too. Then maybe I can have a real relationship.

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