Thursday, November 17, 2011


One of the really exciting things about having PTSD and Fibromyalgia is never knowing how you'll feel when you wake up in the morning... I'm kinda not kidding about that.  Today I'm in so much pain my clothes are hurting me and I keep flinching to "get away from the pain" that I can't get away from. The PTSD has me terrified of... well... life really and convinced that I'm not going to make it.

I'm starting to take it as a challenge to not let my physical pain or my head space stop me from enjoying the little things in life. Things like a good cup of tea or the way Mya's fur feels now that she is all clean. If I can still be aware that I love those little things, then as the day goes on, I become more and more aware of how great my life really is. The pain doesn't stop and I'm still in a crap head space, but my life doesn't suck. In fact, the pain isn't such a big deal and my head space is something I can deal with.

Today I finished up the paper work to close the account that was connected to David. I'm still so angry that he made this whole thing so hard for both of us. For someone who walked out, he sure had a funny way of leaving. I keep trying to remember that hurt people hurt people, but I have a hard time having sympathy for him. Unlike other people I have been involved with, he knew what he was getting into. He choose to anyway. Then he thought that he could just walk out and that would make me go away?! *sigh* At least its over now... or will be in about 10 days. It will be like he never existed in my life... at least on paper.

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