Friday, August 6, 2010

My past

Today, I start confronting the abuse that destroyed my childhood, drove my husband away and haunts my every waking moment full force and head on with every tool at my command. And while I have one of the most amazing support networks, I know that for this task I will need more.
So I am coming to you, my beloved EA loop, to beg you to reach out to me. Not just today, but tomorrow and next week and for weeks to come. I will attempt to isolate myself in my pain, anger and confusion. Tell myself that I don't deserve to be heard, soothed or loved. Please don't let me.
Please hold me, laugh with me, cry with me, and yell with me until I hear that very small and quite voice that says "It isn't your fault and I love you"
Please don't let me push you away because I'm scared of trusting you. I need to trust you, but I won't do it without a fight. My trust has been used and abused too often for me to give it freely right now.
Lastly, I want to thank you all. I have never met, or talked to most of you, but I have come to respect all of you through the stories you have all so willingly shared with me. They give me hope and strength when I thought I had run out.

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