Wednesday, January 27, 2010


How hard it is for me to admit that jealousy effects me as much as anyone else.
When I see that someone I care about is paying attention to someone else rather than me the pain is physical.
I fear that I am not as important to them as they are to me and worry that they have cast me to the side because I am unworthy of them (and we both know it).
Where did this come from? Why do I think these things about myself? How do I stop?
I have to learn to love myself before anyone else can.


Someone I think of as a friend was in need of help that I could have provided her with if I had known she needed it. When I mentioned this to her, she said she knew I could help but didn't want to ask me because she knew I was having a hard time. What she didn't know is how much helping her would help me.
How can I be honest with people if they are going to assume things about me before giving me a chance?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Things seem to be getting better today. I spent most of the day with a good friend just talking about nothing and doing laundry. I'm still in a lot of physical pain and very tired but doing the next right thing has worked. I'm better for today at this moment

Monday, January 25, 2010

I just want it to stop. I just want it to be over. If the only way to make that happened is to die, then I want to be dead. I can't hurt like this anymore

Sunday, January 24, 2010


My heart hurts. I'm lonely. I'm in a self hating, shame spiral that I long to escape from. I keep going out with friends and trying to do things that feel good but so far none of it has helped. I don't know what to do about it and I'm sinking fast.
Goddess help me

Friday, January 22, 2010

I'm back!

I finally have access to the net again so I can post. But it's only my phone so they will be short. Missed you all: -)