I have made the mistake again of letting my heart go before my head, and as usual I am suffering for that mistake. For a change, I don't think my suffering is because these people don't care about me, I think its because I am "other". This knowledge doesn't make it hurt less, but it gives me a little hope that I won't always be "other". That someday I will know the feeling of "oneness" that I see these people enjoying.
For now, I hurt and I cry and I feel the pain of my "otherness" every time I see them. I am reminded that I am alone.
To spite this, I love them. I hope that someday I can say that without the fear of rejection that I carry with me now.