I have made the mistake again of letting my heart go before my head, and as usual I am suffering for that mistake. For a change, I don't think my suffering is because these people don't care about me, I think its because I am "other". This knowledge doesn't make it hurt less, but it gives me a little hope that I won't always be "other". That someday I will know the feeling of "oneness" that I see these people enjoying.
For now, I hurt and I cry and I feel the pain of my "otherness" every time I see them. I am reminded that I am alone.
To spite this, I love them. I hope that someday I can say that without the fear of rejection that I carry with me now.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
So I just found out that I can email and text my blog from anywhere and everywhere. I'm thinking that's going to make it a lot easier for me to post to it since often I'll think of something, but won't be sitting at my computer when I do. We'll see how it goes. This is my first "email" post. If it works out well I may never post here directly again.