Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I don't really know what is more sad, the fact that the doctor had psychology book from the '70s proudly displayed in his office, that he thought that it would be a good idea to get my family and ex involved in my treatment (it might mend old wounds caused by my eating disorder), or that they really think that by cutting off people from the outside world they are going to be able to fix their eating disorders.

I think I just might have to kill myself before going into this treatment.


  1. ugh. are there no other local-ish options? down towards Binghamton or anything?


    stupid insurance.

    for the record....I'm still thinking you are amazing..and definitely way more amazing than you give yourself credit for.

  2. Thanks hun, you're too sweet :-*

    As for places to go, I've been trying to work this out since January, and so far just having my Dom tell me to eat has been the most effective thing I've hit in years. I'm going to talk to my doctors about just working things out ourselves and see what they have to say about it. Maybe I can get myself together without being locked up.

    Wonder if I can get the Insurance to pay my Dom for the work he's doing that they won't pay for otherwise ;-)

  3. I'm wondering if that is so effective because 1) you trust him (back to the other post, where you *know* he's having you do things to help you) and 2) you chose/accepted him, rather than having him forced upon you by a broken system.

    I think our society's need for an instant fix has totally destroyed most of the systems designed to help those in need. There is no rapport..there is no trust...other than that this person went to school and in theory wasn't stoned/drunk/hallucinating/otherwise-absent from the *one* class where they talked about the problem you are having.

    I would much rather work with someone I have a relationship with (or could at least build one with)...
    (provided of course they are aware enough themselves to not make things worse...but it sounds like you are in good hands...)

  4. I hear you...I totally understand. I've had that thought run through my head a few times myself (am I doing this because he's my Dom or because its going to help me get better). What happens when he isn't my Dom anymore? Will I just stop eating again?

    Here's what I've come up with...While my eating disorder is a very big deal, it is only a symptom of the bigger problem. To fix the bigger problem I have to be eating, if I can keep eating while I'm dealing with that, then I just might get rid of the eating disorder all together.

    What all of this means is if his will can keep me eating long enough to deal with the other stuff with people who know what the score is, in-patient treatment isn't really necessary.

    Did any of that make sense?

  5. absolutely :)

    (althought with the caveat...as long as what is being done *is* working...and you are the only one that can really judge that, so you have to be mindful of it, whereas in a program you don't...(*sigh* yeah I tend to lean on the over-protective side. I'll just apologize now: I'm sorry! It just means I care!!) )

  6. *hugs* Don't be sorry hun. It always feels good to be cared about, and I RARELY take offense over it.