Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Count

People keep telling me things like what I think matters and my feels are important to them and I count...well if that's so true, then why is it that I haven't been able to change the course of one single event in my life because that's what I thought should happen. I'm not talking about things like "I think all politicians should be dumped into the ocean" type things either...

I loved my husband, that didn't stop him from walking out.

I feared for the future of a friend, that didn't change their course of action.

I want someone to feel for me the way I feel for them, they don't.

I'm starting to believe that the only person that really cares, is me. And if that is the case, then why bother telling anyone about what I'm thinking or feeling? They will just do their thing anyway, which just leaves me feeling hurt because my opinion didn't make a difference.

I'm especially hurt if they asked me for an opinion (as was the case with my friend), or if the outcome of their actions directly effects my life (as was the case with my ex). This is added to the fact that I believe that I don't matter.

So how do I over come this? I don't have much in the way of real life experiences to counter these beliefs with, and for me, affirmations only seem to work for so long (about as long as it takes for me to have an experience that counters the affirmation).

This is today's struggle...tomorrow will be something else new and exciting.

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