Monday, September 1, 2008

Fantasy

Is it possible to feel to much too fast? Can you love someone too soon? Is "love at first sight" just a saying or is there something to it?

I don't know the answers to these questions.

I know that there is someone in my life that I have very deep feelings for, that I love.

I haven't known them for very long, less than 2 months, and I have never seen them face to face.

I know that I have shared parts of myself with this person, that only my very closest friends have been privy to, without fear or regret. Things that even after 13 years, I still didn't share with my ex-husband. This person has just accepted them in stride.

I know that when I think about this person I get both a feeling of calm and excited. The calm seems to come from knowing I can trust this person with everything I am, I don't have to be anyone for them. The excitement seems to come from the potential for growth we have because we both want so much more than who and what we are now.

I know that we have been communicating very well with each other so far. We have been open and honest about our hopes and fears and goals and failures. I haven't had this in other relationships.

This experience has been very unreal for me...and for the other person. It seems like a dream that someone who is so much like me, wants so many of the same things in their life that I want, would come into my life now. How can this be happening?

We have both expressed fear about meeting and not having the "chemistry" we have now. There are things in both of our lives that would hinder a relationship not just between us, but between us and anyone.

We have agreed to slow things down intentionally so we have more time to get to know about each other. I wonder if this is a good choice. I wonder if we weren't put together so we could learn to trust the Universe to give us just what we need when we need it and no more or less. I wonder if I have forced my wants onto this situation so I can get them, and this isn't really as wonderful as it seems.

I wonder if this isn't just a fantasy.

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