Thursday, September 21, 2017

When I grew up...

I remember talking to other kids who wanted to be astronauts, and dinosaurs, and these awe inspiring things. The adults started asking us as young as 3.

I wanted to be a butterfly. When my mother laughed at me, and told me I couldn't be, I already knew I couldn't ever let her see me cry. Then I told her I was going to be a tiger.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

The Things You Don't Know About Me

When my niece was born, she had the most beautiful blue eyes. I knew in my head that babies are born with blue eyes, and that only a few stay that way, but to this day, I still see the way she looked at me the first time I held her.

I was all the Universe.

My Pooka

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Stuck in the Middle with You

I still find it funny that I always come back to you. I find myself watching the night sky during our time of the year.

After each heartbreak, I find myself wandering back to when you left me. And how I made you leave because you were far better than I could ever possibly deserve.

Except, now I know you might be the only person in the planet I do deserve, and now I can never have you.

That will be my dying regret.

The day I wanted it to last forever.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Today In Womanhood

Today, I started an interesting conversation with the people I know online. It's about the ways privilege affects men's lives. But that's not what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is how even while having this conversation, I still had to be a woman.

You see, today I had to be mansplained repeatedly about topics I'm very versed in.

...and even though I'm having a very bad #PTSD and #Fibromyalgia day, so, want to tear everyone a new one, I still had to pretend it was ok when men who call themselves my friends posted rude, sexist, and misogynistic things (but they're the good guys, just ask them).

...and somehow, it's my job to make the men in my life feel good when they flirt with me even though I'd rather kill myself than get involved with anyone right now.

...and when I had the nerve to tell a man he was wrong, I had to take the verbal assault that followed, even though he was.

...and when I asked a community for help with something I didn't understand, I got to listen to men tell me all the ways they would rape me for my ignorance.

These thing all happened between the time I woke up this morning around 5a, and now (almost 3:30p), and I never even left my house. This is a day in the life of a women. Some days are better. Some are much worse. But there isn't a single day that goes by where women don't have to smile and nod at all the things men do because as women, we have been trained from a very young age to tolerate it or suffer the consequences. And the consequences are dire.

So while my friends had wonderful lists of things that they are privileged enough to have just because they are male, this is one they forgot. The privilege to exist without having to defend their worth as a human beings.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Adventures of Mya and Book

For those of you who don't know, Book has been on a diet for about 3 months now. When we first started, he lost a ton of weight very quickly. But after doing some looking around and talking to a couple people in the know, I decided to just keep his food intake at that level.

Yesterday I weighed him, and checked his ribs. He's gained back a pound, but for the first time I have a hint of ribs.


Strangely, Book gets more active the less he weighs. I don't mean, he's awake an hour more. I mean he's tears around the house like his tail is on fire half the day!

So I think, he's added muscle weight from running around more.

Now why am I telling you this ridiculous story about my cat?

Because it explains to *me* why *my* anorexia hasn't gone nuts even though I've been really stressed out for years now. I've finally realized that my health has nothing to do with numbers. It has everything to do with how I feel when I get out of bed in the morning. If moving around in my life makes me want to do it more, I am healthy. If what I'm doing makes my life harder or more painful, I am not healthy.

That works for me.

Now, someone remind me of this when my depression has convinced me this is bull shit.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Never Forget

In addition, 5 million people from other cultural groups were murdered. 1.1 million of them were children. At the time, President Roosevelt made the decision to turn away Jewish refugees in order to keep the US out of World War II. Later we ended up involved because of an attack on Pearl Harbor, HI. We retaliated for the attack by killing an estimated 187,500 people in the combined bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Roosevelt also decided to create Japanese internment camps "for the health and safety of all citizens." Roosevelt died having served 4 terms as president months before the war ended.

This is who Americans are.

At least that's what I was taught. And while I know the information is very incomplete, it's enough to make me never want to see happen again. What about you?

Friday, January 20, 2017

Women's March on Washington

So, it's done.

They have sworn in the most loathsome man I hope to ever see be POTUS. They did it to keep a woman out of the office. They did it to keep 8 old white men rich. They did it to keep America poor, uneducated, and easily controlled.

But he's not my President.

I'm sickened. I'm enraged. I'm terrified.

I'm stuck at home with my disabilities feeling helpless and hopeless, as my friends go and march. To stand up and be counted! To scream at the top of their voices that we will not take this sitting down, and if you want a fight, well God Damn It, we'll give you one!

Tomorrow, I will have to decide how to make my voice heard. What I can do to support people who have even less than I do. I will find ways to pace my efforts so over the next four years the asshats in power always feel me nipping at their heels.

This march is important, but what's more important is how we keep marching every day.